My story

My father was a narcissist. What was it like growing up in that household? I’m sure anyone that has been unfortunate enough to have been in such a situation, like me would bear the scars for eternity. Mind, body and soul. All I can speak on is what happened to me. Perhaps these writings will help someone else? As those of us who have suffered such unfortunate situations, we all know that we never get over it, we simply learn to live with what happened.

I had anything but a normal childhood. I often longed for a normal childhood, even though I really did not understand what that was in those years.

You live quietly. Like you don’t exist. Because to the narcissist you only exist when you can make them look superior. Like a show pony you are paraded out for the narcissist to say look at what I did. You did not dare make a wrong move or do anything to make the narcissist look bad. You quickly learn at a very young age; the best course of action is to be silent. You don’t exist. You only are only ‘there’.

Your existence what little there is, consists of smoke and mirrors. You aren’t allowed to play in the house. Only play quietly in your room. Dinners were extremely tense. Quiet ruled the day and night. My mother was as afraid to awaken the narcissist black eyed rage as I was.

The narcissist’s true nature was to hate anything that he wasn’t. He hated anything he seen in others that he did not have the capacity for within himself. He had no ability to love, but he certainly had the ability to hate and to punish.

My only saving grace is that my maternal grandparents took over the majority of my care after the narcissist tried to shoot me when I was 6 years old. Obviously, that was a failed attempt.

My grandparents saved me. In more ways than one. For they showed me true love and kindness. I owe the empathetic being I am today, all to them. Eternally grateful.

Why am I writing this now you may ask? 50 some years later. I’m writing this Blog to give the lost souls hope. To show them they will learn how to live again. To make a positive difference in just one person’s life. To give them hope and encouragement to never give up. Thats enough of a reason for me to make these writings.

Til next time, never give up …